What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 01:54
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Which Shakespeare words have completely changed meaning in modern English?
I don,t even have a pension.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We were not on the streets..
Im still living with it.
Put me off passion for life!!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
How much does a doctor earn in Sweden per month?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
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He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why don’t the little sugar breeches gun owners understand that life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
What do you remember that 95% of us have forgotten?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I think the readers, may guess!
Why do flat Earthers exist? Why can’t I see the Sun at night? Is it because Earth is not flat?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Why do you think Democrat favorability ratings are so low?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Why can’t conservatives accept the fact that they are stupid?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I never cut or harmed myself..
What kind of lights would you like to use for your home decor?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Especially a lifetime of it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Would this be the day?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But ive been too sick for many years..
We all went to grammer schools
I write beautiful poetry .
One cannot live in the past .
This is soul school!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But, we were locked up after school.
I was seconnd youngest,
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
So whats the point in blame.
She married twice! .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was 9 years of age.
And i lived it daily.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
What did i know ?
I couldn’t, believe it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She found it foreign!.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Ive learnt so much.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Comes on , in middle age.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He resisted the act ,that day.
But it wasn’t much.
My life is so biszare .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was in good health!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My family never makes their pension either.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She wouldn,t have been !
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
It was going to be , some day.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I waited trembling.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Who then, do I blame.?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I have no regrets .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I will be 64.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So, i spoilt her more .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
When she asked me how she looked .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
All the time i was locked up.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He knew the spot.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
(And it was in our own minds.)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I said to her
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She loved him until the end.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was scared of men, in general
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was very sick at this time too.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..